The Rattlesnake (complete story)

 

Before I tell you about the rattlesnake, maybe I should warn you that I have a reputation for sometimes stretching the truth.  I’ll admit that I do stretch the truth now and then, but who doesn’t?

But I suppose that I acquired that undeserved reputation simply because things happen to me that don’t ordinarily happen to the average guy.  Like, for example, meeting the invisible man.

When I tell people that I met the invisible man, they scoff.  But it’s the truth, and I took a picture of him to prove it.  But to show you how skeptical people can be, many don’t believe me even when I show them the picture.

I tried to sell the picture to the National Enquirer, but they refused to even look at it..  I could have made a bundle of money if only they would have just looked at it. 

I also could have made a bundle for several of my inventions.  I invented an acid that would eat through anything.  But alas, I was unable to find a container that would hold it.  I invented instant water for people who ventured into desert country.  It was a powder that could be carried in a small container.  All one had to do was add water to the powder.

But I couldn't find a company that would market it.  They said that no one would be interested in such a product.  Ha. Try telling that to some poor devil lost in the desert.

I almost made a fortune from another of my inventions.  I was working on a treatment for hemmoroids.  I started with Preparation A, and continued experimenting with it through the alphabet.  I got to Preparation G and gave up.

Folks also don’t believe me when I tell them I once worked for a carnival. The sign on my tent read:

 

See the Man Eating Chicken.

 

People bought tickets to enter, and when the curtains parted they could see  me sitting  in a cage and eating fried chicken.

But let me tell you about that snake. It was the biggest  rattlesnake I’ve ever seen in my life.  It was at least as big as a python, maybe bigger.

 I saw the snake when I was hauling a load of used doughnut holes in my pickup to the macaroni factory in Middleton.  I’m a card carrying conservationist and recycling nut, so whenever I eat donuts I save  the holes. I then take them to the macaroni factory, where they use them to stuff macaroni. 

I knew a shortcut through the woods to the factory, and while wrestling my pickup over the unpaved road, I saw     something blocking the road ahead.  At first I thought it was a big log, but when I got closer I saw that it was a monster rattlesnake.  The granddaddy of all rattlesnakes.

I was scared, and I’m known as a pretty tough guy that doesn’t scare easily.  Once, while prospecting in the Klondike, I lost all my shaving gear.  To illustrate how tough I am, I didn’t need a razor--I simply hammered my whiskers in and chewed them off from the inside.

There was only one guy in the entire Klondike who was meaner and tougher than me.  Unfortunately, I can’t tell you his name, because his name is so difficult it can’t be spelled with the letters of the ordinary alphabet.  All twenty-six letters of the alphabet must be used to spell his name, plus you have to throw in a few ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics and Chinese characters. 

His name was nearly unpronounceable.  So much so, in fact, that it took four people to pronounce his name.  Once, some fool tried to pronounce his name single-handedly; he ended up with his tongue in a cast for two weeks.

Speaking of the Klondike, it was really cold up there.  I mean really cold.  During the winter, when we talked our words froze as they left our lips.  We had to wait until the spring thaw to find out what we were talking about.

But getting back to the rattlesnake.  The thing became aware of me and turned its huge, hideous head in my direction.  Like I said, I don’t scare easily, but that thing scared the pure bejabbers out of me.  I slammed my pickup in reverse and floored the gas petal.  But all I succeeded in doing was spinning the wheels and getting stuck in the soft sand.

The monster snake started slithering toward me.  The window on the driver’s side of the pickup was broken, and the truck was not safe.  I glanced through the rear window and among all the doughnut holes I spotted a baseball bat.  I jumped from the cab, leapt into the bed of the pickup, and grabbed the bat to defend myself.  I spilled some of the doughnut holes on the ground, but I wasn’t thinking of recycling in a situation like that.

When the snake reared its head, it was eye-to-eye with me, even though I was standing in the back of the pickup.  At the same time I swung the bat, the rattler struck.  Luckily, it struck the bat.  But the force of the strike knocked the bat from my hands, nearly breaking my arm.  I jumped from the pickup and ran.

I was really scared.  I ran so fast that my ankles scorched my socks.  But I put some distance between me and that snake.

I waited until I figured the monster had crawled away, then cautiously made my way back to the pickup.  The snake was gone, but the bat was swelling up from the snakebite.  It didn’t stop swelling until it was as big as a large oak tree.

Being a conservationist, I had the sawmill cut my bat into lumber, and used the lumber to add an extra room onto my house.

It was a beautiful job.  The bat really made some fine looking lumber, and I was proud of the job I’d done on the extra room.  But alas, after a few days passed, the swelling went down, and I was left with nothing but a pile of toothpicks.  And believe it or not,  that’s the honest truth.

 

The end

 

"The Rattlesnake" was selected from "Naked Ladies, Space Aliens, and Rattlesnakes," which is available  in ebook at

Riverok Books

 

Also available at Amazon

*****

Excerpt fromTaino 

 

The Taino are the people who greeted Columbus upon his arrival in The New World.  This story is based on the lives of those people before, during, and after the arrival Columbus.

*****

Migua stood in the crowd and watched as Surani was escorted to the sacrificial table.  She was being led up the steps of theplatform where the table rested.  She was, in Migua's eyes, the most beautiful girl in all creation.  Her slim, tanned body moved with the grace of a Jaguar.  She held her head high as she climbed the steps.

The sacrifice would be with much ceremony.  Surani would be placed on the stone table with its ornately chiseled images.  The sacrificial knife, also ornately decorated, lay on a stand next to the table. 

Caobara, the high priest and great boheek of the region, was now blessing the rope which would hold Surani to the table, and an assistant was preparing the cup of brew, especially prepared to keep her in a stupor during the proceedings.

But with all the rituals and formalities, Migua saw it as nothing less than the murder of the girl who was his bride to be.  He had only recently reached the age of marriage, and she would reach the age in one more season.

But Surani had disobeyed the edict of their leader, Gocatai, the supreme kaseek of this region. 

Migua brushed the coarse black hair away from his eyes as he watched. The muscles under his bronze skin tensed.  He balled his fists and clenched his teeth.

Gocatai mounted the stairs to the platform and a hush came over the crowd.  The great kaseek held his hands up, palms facing inward, and then slowly turned, facing each direction.

"My honored  high priest, Caobara, was given a sign by Yakahu that our people must observe a day of fasting, to begin on the first morning and end on the second morning the following day. 

"Yakahu decreed that nothing was to be taken into our bodies but water from dawn to dawn of the fast.  As advised by Caobara, I issued a proclamation announcing the day of Fast."  He looked down at the form of Surani, now secured to the sacrificial table.

"This virgin maiden chose to ignore me, to ignore Caobara, and to ignore Yakahu himself.  The penalty for such an offense is death. She must be sacrificed to appease Yakahu."

"It's not a sacrifice at all," Migua whispered to his best friend, Kokyu, who stood beside him.  "It's punishment. They just call it sacrifice because they think it justifies the killing. They gave no consideration to the fact that she had been sick and could not eat for two days just before the fast began." 

"Yes," said Kokyu, "She was starving.  Her crime was trying to sneak a piece of dried fish."

Migua saw the fear in Surani's eyes as the boheek was blessing the knife.  They had not yet given her the brew.

  "We must act before they give her the brew so that she will be clear headed," said Migua.  When I give the signal we must all act in unison, each doing our part in carrying out the plan.  If we fail, all eight of us will end up being sacrificed."

The boheek held the cup up and began mumbling his blessing.  As he did, Migua began screaming.  "The Anaki! The Anaki!  To your weapons."  The Anaki simply meant enemy, and it meant a tribe with which the Arawak had long been at war for decades, a war of raids, pillaging and ambushes. 

Several well hidden accomplices of Migua began beating Anaki-sounding drums and yelling their battle cries.  Confusion ensued.  Everyone was running to their house for weapons.  The kaseek and the boheek both jumped from the platform and started screaming for order as they followed the crowd. 

Migua and Kokyu leapt on the platform and cut the ropes, freeing Surani.  He grabbed her hand.  "Come on," he said.  "To the river."

As they ran toward the Orinoco, they could hear the shouts of the kaseek barking orders.  By now he would have realized that he had been tricked, and would be organizing an armed party for pursuit.

When Migua reached the river he found that the others had already reached the bank of the Orinoco and were waiting for him and Surani.  The two dugout canoes they had chosen had already been secretly provisioned.  They could have chosen one of the longer canoes, to hold  twenty or more people, but it would be wiser to use two smaller, more maneuverable canoes.

The two dugouts could each hold ten people for a total of twenty, so with only nine people there would be plenty of room for provisions, plus room to take turns napping and resting.

*****

 They were soon in the strong river current and heading out toward the sea.  Migua was confident that they had enough of a head start to reach the sea well ahead of their pursuers.

Surani was seated behind Migua.  She leaned forward, put her arm around his neck, and kissed him on the cheek, then leaned back and resumed rowing.  "Thank you, my Dearest, thank you.  I had a deep inner feeling that you were planning something."  She laughed nervously.  "But I was scared when they tied me down."

"I didn't mean to scare you, but I wanted to wait for the best moment to catch them unaware."  He paused.  "The open sea is just ahead and there are no pursuers in sight.  We have made it."

"But where are we going?" Asked Surani.  "We can never go back to Orinoco country."

"To the islands of the north," he said, "We will choose one of the islands and settle there.  There are a people there called the Taino who speak Arawak, our language.  Traders from our village who have gone there say they are a very gentle and friendly people."

Kokyu, who was seated in front of Migua spoke up.  "Yes, but the traders also speak of a people called the Carib, who are not so friendly.  They attack, pillage, and kill just as our Anaki do.  Only they are worse; they are cannibals who barbeque and eat their enemies."

"The Carib do not inhabit the same group of islands as the Taino," said Jujo, who was seated in front, and was considered the best navigator in their party.  Jujo was a man of many seasons; his hair now showing streaks of gray.  At one time he had two wives, but one had been killed in a raid by the Anaki and the other had died from a fever.

"I made a trip with the traders several times, and talked with some of the Taino.  The Carib are from a group of smaller islands to the south and east of the Taino islands."

"How are we going to choose our island?" said Surani.

"I have been thinking about that," answered Migua.  If all agree, I say we choose the first one we see, providing that the people there will accept us."

"There is a large island called Kiskeya," said Jujo, "where the Taino are very friendly and would welcome us.  I will guide us there if  you agree."

Migua looked at the others, who nodded. "Very well," said Migua.  "Kiskeya it is."

They reached the mouth of the river and the little wooden canoes were now bobbing like corks.  They paddled the canoes past the rough waters at the mouth of the Orinoco and were now on the open sea, heading north. 

*****

Migua awakened to the gentle shaking of Kokyu.  He stretched and reached for a hard, flat piece of cornbread and a small portion of dried fish. He noted that the sky was brightening in the east; it was the beginning of the fifth day. 

There were strong winds now and the waves were getting bigger. Migua slid overboard and swam around for a few moments in the rough water before pulling himself back aboard the canoe.

He then relieved Kokyu and took his turn rowing.

"We're almost there," said Jujo.  "We should reach Kiskeya before the sun is high. But I don't like the looks of this weather.  In this part of the sea they have bad storms.  The Taino call them hurrikains. If we are lucky we will reach Kiskeya before it gets much worse."

But as the day wore on the weather continued to worsen.  The sky was now dark and it was now impossible to tell the position of the sun.  The wind was growing stronger and the waves were swelling to ever greater heights.

At one point, when their little craft was atop a huge swell, Surani tapped him on the shoulder and pointed.

"Migua, look!"

Migua made out a white shoreline in the distance. 

"Jujo, I think we have reached Kiskeya.  We have spotted land over to our left."

But as he spoke, the little canoe spun around, and what had been their left was now their right.  The craft was out of control now.  The other canoe was now lost from sight.

Migua looked up and saw the monstrous wave coming at them, but it was too late.  He tried frantically to turn the canoe to face the wave, but his paddle might as well have been a blade of grass.  Had the wave hit head on they might have had a chance. But it hit from the side and the canoe capsized.

Migua came up for air.  Sputtering, he looked around, trying to spot Surani or any of the others.  None were to be seen. Though the shoreline he had seen was distant, he did not deem it too far to swim, for the Arawak of the Orinoco were superb swimmers, having defeated many other tribes in water sports.

But even so, none of them had experience swimming in waters like this, for the squalls of the Orinoco were not nearly so severe.  Anyway, he was now unsure of the direction in which he had seen land. He waited, hoping that a swell would lift him high enough to see the land again.  But as he waited, he felt a painful bump on the right side of his head.

His vision blurred as he reached out to grab the object that had hit his head.  It was the canoe.  He grasped for it but only succeeded in pushing it away.  He felt himself being lifted again, but when he reached the crest of the wave his vision was too blurry to search for land.

"Migua, Migua!"  Amid the howling of the wind he heard his name, but only barely.  He was sure it was Surani.  He could not see, but he answered her call.  "Surani, can you see me?  I have been blinded."

"I saw you but I have lost you again.  I'm searching for you." 

"Can you see land?"

"Yes but I only get glimpses of it."

"Don't stay here and waste your energy.  Start swimming toward shore, and keep calling.  I'll try to follow the sound of your voice." 

"No.  I won't leave you.  I will stay in place and call to you."

A moment later she called.  "Over here."

He swam toward the sound, "I hear you."

After several more calls, her voice started getting farther away and then fading away in the howling wind.  He was not surprised.  In this rough water it would be difficult to stay in one place very long.  And in the roaring wind it would be hard to fix the direction of a voice.

He strained to hear her voice again, but knew there would be little chance of it.  If anything, these stormy waters would pull them farther apart. 

But just as he was ready to give up hope, his eyes began to come back into focus.  He was rising to the crest of another swell, and when he looked around he saw the white, sandy beach, a little nearer than before.

But he did not start swimming for shore, for he feared that Surani would still be trying to locate him and might become too exhausted to reach shore.  He began looking for her each time he reached the crest of a swell. There was nothing but the churning, heaving waters everywhere he looked.

 

End of Excerpt

 

"Taino" is available in paperback or ebook at Riverok Books

 

Also available at Amazon

 

*****

 

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